What a Feeling

Just so you know, what I'm about to write is probably going to sound ridiculous. To all the women out there who have been pregnant before, I'm aware that in the next few moments you will be making fun of me. That's fine. I can take it.

It's hard to describe the way I have felt since finding out that I am pregnant. I'm ecstatic about it, but yet I am terrified that I am going to do something "wrong" that will endanger the baby, which all my research indicates is the size of a lentil. I have been walking extra cautiously, taking stairs extra-slowly, refusing to ride the four-wheeler, etc. All those things are probably semi-normal.

What does not feel normal is how fragile that I feel. I have been suppressing any coughing fit I feel coming on. I have avoided situations requiring me to stretch or bend in an awkward way. When my dogs come rushing at me, I grasp my midsection in a panic. I also block any potential contact of that area from wild and bouncing nieces and nephews.

Today, for the first day since I found out, I allowed my self to bend backwards in an awkward contortionist position to reach something in the back seat. And it didn't seem to have any affect at all. So later on, I felt a heavy cough coming on and I let it.

My mindset is slowly changing from total freak-out to a more relaxed (yet still cautious) philosophy. Just in time for the morning sickness to kick in.

Right Up My Nose

This morning, a gnat flew up my nose.

I hadn't even gotten out of bed yet. I lay on the bed, reading my book and waiting for the last possible moment until I had to get up.

The gnat must have snuck in when we were taking the dogs out last night. He must have perched on the top of my bed post throughout the entire night. Just waiting. And watching. Then, this morning, he saw his opportunity.

Of all the places in the room - the entire house for that matter - he chose right up my nose.

I know it must sound (from posts like this and this) like insects are invading my house. I really don't think this is the case. I am just prone to harassment by the wretched creatures. Oh, that and living out in the middle of nowhere. My house is OCD clean - I promise - so it's not that. Insects are just prominent in the woods and they are so, so sneaky.

When we have the door open, it's usually in the process of taking the dogs in and out. The dogs think we are crazy, I'm sure. When the door is open, we desperately try to get them to hurry across the threshold so that we can shut it again. No wonder Max is so jumpy.

I'm sure I've said this before, but it's worth another run. I hate bugs.

I'm Quirky, So What?

Today I came across on a post from randsinrepose that made me feel just a little bit more human. You see, I have lots of quirks. Seeing that other people do too - that makes me happy.

In the last few years, I have come to accept, even cherish these idiosyncrasies in my personality. It adds character. How boring would life be if we were all alike and acted the same way all the time?

I made a list of a few of mine. I have to:

• Eat M&M's in three's
• Keep any money in my purse in numerical order (largest on inside) and facing the same way
• Check for keys in my purse, even if I just put them there
• Fold the straw wrapper into a rectangular shape
• Hang clothes in ROY G BIV order, and all hanging in the same direction
• Have browser tabs and taskbar items in a specific order. If the task bar order gets messed up, I close all the windows and restart everything.
• Sort "Smarties" in color order
• Check that the car door is locked when I get out of the vehicle and close the door, even if I know I just locked it
• Watching the garage door go all the way to the bottom before pulling away. I have been on the way to work and convinced myself that I didn't do this. Then I had to go all the way back home and check. At least one of the times I went back to check it was actually open - that just fuels the OCD
  
• Always turn off lights when I leave the room, and if there are multiple switches I make sure they are all facing the same direction
• Line up magazines in the doctor's office
• Have items on my desk must be arranged in a particular order
• Make sure the fitted sheet on my bed is straight (no wrinkles) and the cover must be draped symmetrically over me before I can try to sleep
• Have a straw in a restaurant, becauseI will not drink out of a cup in a restaurant without a straw
• Create all my CSS and graphics measurements with a 0, 1, 3, 5 or 7 as the right-most digit
• Use a paper towel to touch the doorknob of public bathrooms
• Save the best bite of food for last even though I know I may not be hungry enough to eat it when I'm done
• Straighten paintings or wall hangings that are crooked
• Pop all the bubbles in bubble wrap
• Ensure that toilet paper comes out over the roll, not under

There's more, but I have to go out to my car to make sure I locked the door. After thinking about it, I've convinced myself that I didn't.

Dr. Pepper Withdrawal

I've mentioned before about the undying love I have for Dr. Pepper. Now that I'm pregnant, I have decided that I need to take action regarding the amount of Dr. Pepper that I consume daily. I'm sure the baby is as broken-hearted as I am.

I have been reading all kinds of information about what I should have and what I should avoid. While there is a lot of mixed messages about the effects of caffeine, I want to play it as safe as possible. So, I'm limiting my caffeine intake.

The largest percentage of my caffeine intake comes from - you guessed it - Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper - with it's irresistible blend of 23 authentic, seductive flavors - contains 41 milligrams of caffeine in just 12 ounces.

So, I'm going to be cautious and reduce the amount I drink. I've never seen Caffeine-Free Dr. Pepper before, but that would just be awesome.

Dogs and Their Toys

Because Max's eyes do not produce enough tears, he has to have eye drops every night for his whole life. This keeps him from getting eye infections. The dog pharmacy sends us his prescription in the mail, along with a dog toy.

It's really sweet that they send him a toy, even though I seriously question their judgment when it comes to pet toys.

Max loves this horrific hot dog that came with his last prescription. He loves gnawing on it's scary face, and he loves carting it around and squeaking it repeatedly.

The squeak that comes from this thing is more like a sqwAAAUUCCk!

I have never intentionally bought squeaky toys. Because of this, Molly does not have an appreciation for squeaky toys. She gives you this look that says - WHAT THE CRAP, man? Why is that thing making a NOISE?!?

Max, on the other hand, loves a good squeak.

The first (and only) squeaky toy I have ever bought was completely by accident. In the store, I had felt around for that blasted squeaker in several toys before I chose a harmless, silent plush dog. I handed it over to Max, and he grabbed it in delight, gnawing over every inch. Suddenly, a SQUEAK emerged from somewhere deep within the toy.

Molly ran to me and jumped, trying to get me to pick her up - she does that when she's scared.

Max just ran all over the house with his new-found noisemaker. Over and over and over.

I really thought about trying to burst that squeaker and restore the silence to our dog toy collection. But then, as I looked at my little dog having the time of his life recreating that sound - I just could not do it.

So now Max has two squeaky toys, and this one is probably the ugliest hot dog toy ever. But I'll live with it, because he loves it.

Getting Baby Stuff

My mother-in-law came over today with our very first baby gift. It's a cute little plush duck, and cute little baby shoes with ducks. Did I mention how cute the stuff was?

I'm still pretty overwhelmed that we are actually producing a little person who will wear those shoes and play with that duck.

Part of me really wants to just tear into Target and start grabbing baby stuff right and left. The other part of me is terrified.

What if we lose the baby? I'm only at 5 weeks now, and it just feels like the baby is so, so vulnerable. Seven years of infertility intensifies the normal parental fears.

I have to find a balance of enjoying this time in our lives, but yet preparing myself in case the worst happens.

Meltdown Gets Down

My two-year-old niece, Meltdown, is flying through her terrible two's. Now, she so sweet that she's irresistible. If she keeps this up, I will have to think of a new moniker for her here.

Last night Monkey T (age 10) had a friend over and they were inventing dances and variety show acts. Oh, to be young again.

When the music came on, Meltdown jumped to the center stage in front of the other two girls. And she let loose. She did the twist, followed by the macarena (the two-year-old's version) and the jump (remember Kris Kross?). Then she got on the floor and started with something like break dancing that ended up just a lot of rolling around to the music. Then she ended her routine by running around in circles until she fell down.

When the song was over she got up and clapped loudly for herself.

I wish I'd been able to get it on video.

That kid. I wonder what they are teaching her in daycare? She's got to be getting those moves from somewhere.

I am Barbeque Sauce

You Are Barbeque Sauce (I am?)

You are a social person. You enjoy cooking for other people. (Um, not all that social, but I do enjoy cooking for other people. Half Check.)

You are both skillful and competitive. You enjoy mastering hard tasks. (Competitive? Check. Hard Tasks? Probably too lazy, unless the return is high.)

You appreciate complexity more than simplicity. (Check.)

Your taste in food tends to lean toward interesting flavors. (Sorry, my food tastes are actually quite dull.)

You appreciate exotic spice combinations. You tend to like cutting edge, fusion cuisine. (Again, Dull I Am. Unless you are talking about clothes or home decor.)

You get along with all personalities from a distance. Except salsa personalities, who always seem to annoy you. (Aha! Absolutely! I don't know what salsa personalities are, but since I don't like salsa it MUST be true.)

I found this quiz through Blarney. The brown comments are mine. What Condiment are You?

Double the hCG

Today, Dr. F sent me back to the hospital to check my blood again. This time, the blood work was actually a normal, drama-free experience.

This afternoon, Nurse Judy called me with the results. You know, after I spent about 5 hours climbing the walls of my office.

Everything looks good! My hCG is 310.11. That's more than double what it was the day before yesterday - just like it should be. My progesterone was slightly lower than the other day - 25. Dr. F wants me to take a supplement for that.

I go see Dr. F August 7th for an ultrasound. He said we might hear a heartbeat, but I am not to be alarmed if we don't. They are sure that I ovulated late, so it might be a little early for the heartbeat.

It looks like I am at 4 weeks, 6 days. If all goes well, my due date is around March 30. Woo-hoo!

Spreading the News

We have been enjoying sharing our good news with our inner circle of peeps. So many of them have been so supportive during this almost-seven-year struggle.

Honestly, I wanted to wait until we are further along to tell people. J doesn't want to. He wants everyone in the world to know. I knew that he would implode if he didn't get to share, so I consented.

I called my parents yesterday and told them first. I'm an only child, so I am their sole hope for grandchildren. They are thrilled. Cautious (just like I am), but thrilled.

J decided to send his mom flowers with a "See you in 9 months" note. She's really excited too, but after 10 grandchildren - she's a pro at this.

I texted my friend Christy a photo of the home pregnancy test. Immediately she texted and left me a voice mail. When we finally caught up on the phone, she told me that when she got that message, she almost ran off the road.

We also told J's siblings, or at least tried to. J left a message for the Vet to come over later. Instead, he called me. He had figured out what it was about and trapped me into telling him, by hitting me with ridiculous questions such as: "Are you sure you are the mother?"; "Are you going to name the baby ?" I finally broke down when Mel (his wife) said "Are you really going to make me sit through this whole movie trying to figure out what is going on instead of enjoying Batman?" No, I couldn't do that to her. Not ruin Batman.

Super H saw his grandma's flowers. He can read now, so J's mom told him he couldn't see the note. He reported this to his mother, who cornered J's mom into divulging the news. We made the mistake of discussing the events with her last night, and Super H overheard enough to figure out what was going on himself. "I'm going to have a new cousin? Is it a boy or girl?"

J sent his oldest brother the following text message: "The Pee Test had two lines!"

Nice.