2 Days

Dear Grace,

Today the least anxious person to get out of the hospital was discharged.

Me.

Leaving the hospital without you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I was miserable. I stared out into space as the volunteer helped me in the car and we drove away. Then I cried.

The road home looked unfamiliar to me. I was not sure if places had actually changed or just me. It turns out it was me. I was miserable. You are my life now. When you are not with me, everything seems wrong.

I am in physical pain from the surgery now. It will take me a long time to heal because of all the swelling. I am not sure that I recorded it here, but during my last month of pregnancy I gained over 20 pounds. That is more than I had gained in all the months prior put together. I have already lost a lot of the water weight.

My physical appearance is ghostlike, even though I look much better than before you were born. I look like a train hit me directly in the stomach. My arms are a covered with a mixture of deep blue, purple and black bruises. The stretch marks that I tried so hard to avoid by pursing a healthy pregnancy cover my stomach. However, I have made progress. My fingers are now defined again instead of big balloon hands.

Your Dad managed to get me in the house, where I sat around until he was finished with work. Then, we drove back to the hospital to see you.

It may sound strange, but the hospital felt more like home than my home did. Your Dad agrees. He said that his first night spent at home without us just felt wrong. We have learned through this that home is not where you live - it is where your family is.

Our home will not be home until you are home.

Love Forever,

Mama