Day Care

Dear Grace,

Today you started daycare.

This decision came after many months of struggle for me that I have tried my best to make you unaware of.

The bottom line is this - your grandma wanted to keep you during the day the first year of your life. We thought it would be a good thing. You have had lots of bonding time and we didn't have to worry too much about expenses. She would have kept you longer - she kept extending the time that she wanted to keep you. But, your dad & I think you are ready for something more.

Now you are over a year old and you are coming to a stage in your life where you are ready to learn school-type things. You have a desire to watch kids your age. It's time.

The daycare is a nice one. The nicest one in our area. I visited the building and met your teacher. I'm using "nice" a lot, but they were very nice too.

Your cousin Meltdown goes there and she adores you. That's a big plus - you know one of the bigger kids who will always be on your side. Unless you pull her dog's tail. She *is* 4, you know.

This morning, I packed you in the car just like I always do. We sang in the car as we were drivinglike we always do.

We got out at a strange place. That's when the confusion began. You snapped to attention - knowing immediately something was going on. We went inside and I handed you over to the nice lady.

You went hysterical.

I could barely talk to the nice lady over your screaming. I wanted to be sure that she had all the instructions to cater to your every need.

She smiled reassuringly at me. She's done this before. A lot.

I kissed you and told you I loved you. Then I left the room.

I had to fill out more paperwork, so I was there for a while. I could hear you all the way down the hall.

When I left the building, I thought that they were going to have to push me out the door.  I may have smiled at you and tried to comfort you, but I want you to know when you are old enough to read this that it was HARD.  I did not want to leave you in the hands of someone I don't *really* know.  Each of your cries broke my heart a little more.  *I* cried too.  All the way home.

I was so upset that I did what I always do when I am broken hearted. I called *my* Daddy and whined over the phone. He assured me that you would be fine - even have fun.

I checked on you during my lunch time. You don't know this. I snuck in the door and peered at you in the high chair during your lunch. You were letting the nice lady feed you. You didn't see me and I worked really hard not to barge through the door and snatch you up.

You will adjust to daycare. Experts have told me this. And, when you do, you will like it. Who knows? You might even learn to take a nap.  When the nice lady told me you would be taking a two hour nap at the same time every day when we met, I laughed at her silently and thought "Good Luck".

When I picked you up, you were playing. You started flipping out the moment you saw me. You pushed away all the other kids and teachers to get to me. I snatched you up and you held on for dear life. Both of us did.

I love you so much, my sweet little angel.

Love forever,
Mama